The night is young

Had a long week, studying nearly 12hours every single day including school. It's like after school, automatically we stay in class to do work till night study, then at most half an hour break before night study till 8.30 and it's quite draining. Especially when the night study environment is sometimes so bad it pisses us off.

Yesterday was a great day with 403. I'm really so proud of our class. The skit went terrific and we had an awesome time jumping rope. Had a stupid Chinese mock test after school that literally killed our brain cells. I really hate higher Chinese. But for the sake of dropping it in jc, I must persevere. Lol if I go to poly I'll just be so angry at myself, wasting time doing this shit. Played ultimate frisbee and had great fun after that cus I think we just couldn't take all the studying anymore. Had night study and it was so freaking noisy 403 was just ticked off. Went to corners of the school to study instead.

Today, had Chem SPA 3 and it was ok. Went home to study after that, and then went to meet beans for supper/late dinner. Spent quite a short time tgt but it was still really nice just chilling :) we were all rushing for our last trains and buses haha, and reached home 12 on the dot which I think is one of the earliest when I hang with these people haha. Can't wait to see them soon!

Thunder

I think I'm just not cut out for blogging, lost the liking I had for it in sec1 and I'm just so so lazy to update.

Anyway, went for Star concert last Sunday, and that hour BoysLikeGirls performed was most probably the best hour in my life. Yes, even better than Justin's concert. The energy they brought was freaking awesome, and the best part was, WE CAUGHT THE COUNTDOWN BOARD 2 DAYS TO #CRAZYWORLDEP which is already out :)

When they threw the board and it flew in our direction, all of us just immediately started clamoring and grabbing at it.. Till we realized we were fighting ourselves and we mistook each other for other fans haha EPIC RELIEF. Acts that followed up after that were sort of blah, except Hady's You Give Me Wings love that song. PHOTOS.

Lost

Just had a talk with mum, and she has this weird tendency to make me think so deeply about my lack of efforts towards my studies that it gets me really frustrated. Not at her though, but more at myself. Though she really upset me yesterday but she rarely upsets me so nothing much for me to brood over. But, I'm so frustrated and feeling so lost. Like, is it me? Or is it the school? Or is it the papers? And I know I'll piss some off as I rant because many are worse off but this is my space so I just want to rant how I truly feel so I'm really sorry :(

I don't even know if how I did is considered well or not. Compared to many of my friends I should be really grateful, but compared to my own standards and the competitive nation out there, it's bloody crap. My L1R5 does not require ptc, but if this is were Os it can't even get me into a decent jc. And looking at my friends, I'm honestly wondering whether it is us, or it is the paper.

It can't be that we aren't smart, right? If we weren't, then how did we even get into this school in the first place? And it's not like we get into this school, we totally did not work. Some of us really worked for this and this is the kind of shit results we get. Ok obviously not like those elite school hardcore/closet madmen who study from morn till night, but we still do. Maybe not enough? But on the other hand, many of my friends from like neighbourhood schools can like do so well and I'm thinking, why aren't we doing as well as them? So it has got to be the paper, right?

Though at the end of the day it's onlyonly Os that matter, who's the one that is going to perform? If this prelim1 is a gauge then we're all just screwed. I don't even know what I'm doing. Study, study, study harder is all my mum can say, but does that really help? Am I missing out something? What does it take to do well????????? Some say study smart, but I'm not smart enough to figure out the smartest method that suits me so what am I supposed to do.

Maths and Science are like terror to me. They say memorise -> understand -> do. That's like, the most fundamental way of grasping a subject already. And that's what we do, but the paper comes up with some foreign shit and we're all just ... Then  you keep trying, and you keep trying, but nothing seems to change. And you just wonder to yourself whether you're a doomed failure with no hope. But if we have no hope, what about those in worse schools? My point exactly. Is it us, or the paper, or the school?

Boring stupid useless rant maybe one day I'll just delete this.

Happy

Received quite a lot of my prelim 1 results today. Some have made me real happy and others have not, and I really wonder whether or not I could've done better for the papers that have upset me.

Frankly I'm always afraid to talk about results with my friends, cus I think I easily wind up saying stuff that makes them feel even worse - and that makes me feel like shit. But I think I'm really insensitive when it comes to results, and I'm trying real hard to change. In this aspect, I think the only person I can really talk to is my mum. But sometimes it backfires, and she ends up nagging and saying I haven't tried my best instead and I'm like :'(

My heart really breaks when any of us feel sad. I just want everybody to score well and be happy together. There's still the eventual Os! Hope that all those disheartened won't give up, cus I believe in happy endings :) we'll graduate happy, receive our results happy, and all be happy. Ok I know abit idealistic but still that'd be a dream come true.

Foreign

HI ALL.

It's been 2 years since I've last blogged, and I'm feeling real foreign to it now so please forgive me if I post bullshit. Anyway I'm actually feeling quite upset right now because I've forgotten the email I used for my previous blog, so I had to recreate everything and all my old posts won't be here. Oh well, new beginnings are always good :) That blog was filled with embarrassing crap anyway!

It's been a long 2 years, and during this whole period, I've gained beautiful new friendships, and strengthened existing ones too. I'm extremely blessed to have these people in my life.



403

BEANS

Of course there are many other friends whom I love like my dancers and my cell mates, but these two are my closest group of friends and I thank God everyday for them.

Anyway time to turn in. Getting back more prelim papers tomorrow reallyreally hope I'll do well.